1-School:
A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
2-Life Insurance :
-A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
3-Nurse:
-A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.
4-Marriage:
-It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
5-Divorce:
-Future tense of Marriage.
6-Tears:
-The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power.
7-Lecture:
7-An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through 'the minds of either'.
8--Conference:
-The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
9-Compromise:
-The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
10-Dictionary:
-A place where success comes before work.
11-Conference Room:
-A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
12-Father:
-A banker provided by nature.
13-Criminal:
-A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
14-Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
2-Life Insurance :
-A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
3-Nurse:
-A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.
4-Marriage:
-It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
5-Divorce:
-Future tense of Marriage.
6-Tears:
-The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power.
7-Lecture:
7-An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through 'the minds of either'.
8--Conference:
-The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
9-Compromise:
-The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
10-Dictionary:
-A place where success comes before work.
11-Conference Room:
-A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
12-Father:
-A banker provided by nature.
13-Criminal:
-A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
14-Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
15-Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
16-Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
17-Classic:
Books, which people praise, but do not read.
18-Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
19-Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
20-Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
21-Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
22-Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
23-Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
24-Atom Bomb:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
16-Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
17-Classic:
Books, which people praise, but do not read.
18-Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
19-Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
20-Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
21-Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
22-Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
23-Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
24-Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
25-Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead…
25-Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead…
Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6,
how much would your father still have?
Ted : $10.
Teacher : You don't know maths.
Ted : You don't know my father!
******************
Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
******************
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
******************
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
******************
Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
******************
Teacher: 'Where were u born?'
Student: ' Singapore , Sir.'
Teacher: 'Which part?'
Student: 'All of me, Sir.'
******************
Teacher: 'How come you do not comb your hair?'
Ah Kow: 'No comb, Sir.'
Teacher: 'Use your dad's then.'
Ah Kow: 'No hair, Sir.'
******************
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
'What did u get?' asked his father.
'My marks are under water,' said the boy.
'What do u mean 'under water'?'
how much would your father still have?
Ted : $10.
Teacher : You don't know maths.
Ted : You don't know my father!
******************
Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
******************
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
******************
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
******************
Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
******************
Teacher: 'Where were u born?'
Student: ' Singapore , Sir.'
Teacher: 'Which part?'
Student: 'All of me, Sir.'
******************
Teacher: 'How come you do not comb your hair?'
Ah Kow: 'No comb, Sir.'
Teacher: 'Use your dad's then.'
Ah Kow: 'No hair, Sir.'
******************
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
'What did u get?' asked his father.
'My marks are under water,' said the boy.
'What do u mean 'under water'?'
Xuan Nga collected
